WTF Does That Mean?

Everyday I happenchance to encounter what I deem “Life Variables” that will always cause me to pause and contemplate precisely what it is I am suppose to extrapolate from what I am exposed to. It makes me wonder what electrical impulses were running rampant and out of control in the brain when a person comes up with an idea and more importantly what psychotropic drugs or alcohol everyone else were imbibing in when the idea was pitched and everyone thought it was a great idea. This is like the creators of the Titanic not equipping it with enough lifeboats because it was unsinkable. Well at least Leonardo Dicaprio died in that movie which was a positive. I do like him somewhat more now that he is an adult and can get gunned down mobster movies like a real male actor.

I had stopped at Jack in the Box the other day for lunch and had noticed how they had revamped the entire inner décor of the place to attract higher end customers like the 3 gentlemen out on the street begging for food which have been out of work for 3 years and homeless. I myself have bought them meals on occasion and I can vouch the décor is meaningless. There is one guy the creeps me out. On occasion I have been in eating there and a gentleman comes in wearing a home made “Jack” costume that resembles the Scarecrow in the recent Dark Knight movies. It puts me right off my tacos with the unknown meat substance in them.

I just happened to glance over at my tasty cold beverage I was drinking at the time and I read the following “Happy to server you at any hour, no questions asked. Jack”. My first inclination was the following “WTF does that mean?” I guess Jack In The Box has absolutely no interest in your activities as long as you eat there. Drive up in a truck with 4 bodies dismembered in the back with blood all over you and they will give you that number 2 meal, large sized to go without EVEN wondering what is going on. Hell you wish to stop someplace to eat during that kidnapping? They will serve you that Teriyaki bowl even with the woman bound beside you with duct tape over her mouth and attempting to scream. Hit over the head, grab your food and drive slowly away. You are right in the middle of getting your ultimate cheeseburger with bacon and the competing crack dealer in your neighborhood shows at the same time? Who cares, pull out those old Uzis and spray down the competition in a pool of blood and Mountain Dew. Jack sure does not care what you do and he has obviously informed his employees that money comes first in these hard economic times over any humanity. Just sell the God Damn FOOD let mayhem ensue!

This idiotic ad campaign comes on the heels of another I loved also brought to you by the people from Sin City. You know of which I speak. “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!” I am wondering who came up with that idea? This must have been coined by the antisocial serial killer on the advertising team or the mobster or thief. I like the idea that you can go to Vegas and kill 32 prostitutes because they remind you of your mom and no one will hear about it. Want to cheat on your spouse and gamble all your bank account’s money away as well as your home? Well I am sure some of that will inevitably be found out. I guess some things CANNOT stay in Vegas especially that horrible case of STD you picked up while you were there. I can tell you what you win in Vegas the IRS knows about so there you go. There are a plethora of things that cannot stay in Vegas no matter how you try to run and hide! Many parents have tried leaving their kids there with little success. I myself tried to leave a stalker there but she just picked up a few more nasty habits along the way. Now I have to worry about the fact she know now how to use a knife taught to her by Jimmy “The Shiv” Taglioni.

Burger King at one time claimed you could have your food “Your Way” but when an overwhelming number of males said they wanted their whoppers with cheese served to them by amply endowed women slugging them in the face with their flesh melons, blackening their eyes, the campaign came to a grinding halt. Now all you get are commercials with an incredibly creepy, quasi human/puppet looking thing that came from the imagination of Rod Serling You will catch yourself awakening screaming from a nightmare involving the “King” and finding you shit yourself. Thanks Burger King. That freak is enough to make me run out and buy 3-4 automatic weapons.

I had a girl friend once that lived by the rule “What he does not know will not hurt him” Yes and an elephant standing on your foot will not deter you from sexual excitement in any way, shape or form. Maybe she meant “Who he does not know is doing me will not hurt him?” I did walk in on her and a dwarf once, naked, having sex on a trampoline with 2 goats watching and it still pissed me off. I never did find out his name nor did I ask why he was dressed as wonder woman.

So I guess life’s lesson here is that many things you ARE responsible for and no matter how someone CLAIMS you can get away with it, you cannot. Come to think about it, there are many things in life that all claim the same damn things. Follow me and you will find it. Yeah right. It is lying over in numerous piles in the dog park across the street.