Green

What is the new definition for the word “GREEN”? I remember when it used to be a color that was prevalent in nature and a color that roast beef would turn when kept in the refrigerator for 6 weeks. For quite sometime I could not remember if the GREEN or the brownish yellow meat was the beef and which was the turkey. There is nothing quite like cleaning out the refrigerator and finding those containers sealed air tight that have been sitting there since 1999. There have been times when I look through the translucent container only to ponder what precisely is in said container. I have seen discernable movement in some containers and know I have created some new life form from a four month old zucchini dish given to me in a time of pity.

“GREEN” also describes the color my flesh turns as I open one of these food container time capsules and inhale too much of the caustic vapors that escape and immediately assault my olfactory senses. On four occasions I have been found on the floor by friends and CPR given. Once it involved a portable defibulator unit and I was not at all happy about it. We have a defibulator unit in every break room, on every floor, in every building at work and I would rather attempt use them on myself then 95% of the buffoons that work here especially when you walk into a break room and find people attempting to heat their lunches on them.

“Green” of course in this day and age is also reference to any practice that has been put into motion to conserve energy. The vast majority of men are “GREEN” since they sit around most of the weekend, conserving as much as possible with their hands down their pants viewing sports. The only expenditure of energy is when alcohol is lifted to the lips to partake of and to stuff various food products down their gullets. Men if needed can go up to 2 weeks living of their own fat when in a hibernation type state but hibernation states are very rare since sports run 365 days a year and this include the 2008 world “Magic the Gathering” and “Ice Curling” championships .

Women attempt to be “GREEN” but it always fails. The expenditure of energy needed to take care of kids and the energy involved powering the 54” LCD and VTR and cable box watching Rachael Ray utilize apples in every dish she prepares negates any energy that could be saved. Men love to watch Rachael cook, especially the long segues when she has to bend over and place items into the oven. This is another time the hand down the pants is extremely advantageous.

I discovered today the there are actually individual that are called “GREEN Collar” workers. This is supposed to refer to any person employed in a field of energy conservation with the exception of street mimes. Unfortunately I have been exposed to green color workers all my life and it always referred to the shirts worn on 7 consecutive that had mold develop in specific places. There are also “GREEN” and “Yellow and “Brown” underwear workers but that is a topic I wish not to broach since it does make me queasy. I did know two brothers that solved the problem of laundering their underwear by running them through electric wood planers and then exchanging them with each other every 9 days.

There used to be “Blue” collared workers but hey were far too depressed to be around and their ilk declined tremendously in numbers as their herds were cut down by packs of wild wolves. We also have “White” collar workers but that was changed to “Off-White” collar workers since it was deemed too racist and that bleach has been widely accepted as a non-viable substance to use when washing shirts anymore.

I had contemplated purchasing a “GREEN” hard drive but since the specs have jumped back to the hard drives made 15 years ago I will fore go a HD that must have the platters spun up by chipmunks. I am sure the cost of feeding the little beasties would far exceed the electrical savings not to mention the inconsistency in speed as they run around in a circle and get dizzy.

I did love this story. I have a friend whose company she is employed for had the brilliant idea of purchasing coffee cups for everyone since they were going through too many paper cups. MUST STAY GREEN!!! So they purchased everyone mugs and then purchased GREEN (expensive) paper cups for guests to use. I have found that many people like being GREEN and this involves expending little to no energy to clean coffee cups. So what do they all do? No one uses their coffee mugs and use all the GREEN paper cups purchased for guests! Man and his great ideas in motion.

I was reading this morning about a man who is inventing a GREEN bathroom. After reading 4 paragraphs it occurred to me he had invented the outhouse. Well some old ideas are always the best like wearing lederhosen when having sex with a trapeze over bed and decide to do a 2 ½ somersault with a twist into a perfect missionary position with a midget